Prompt 1A Queer Masculinities of Straight Men
This article proposed a new idea to me. I have always known that our society, and I myself have been guilty or assuming someone’s sexuality based on their mannerisms, interests, etc. It is always a natural thing to us. After taking women studies classes, I have learned to realize just how useless and stereotypical that is. However I never really considered how assuming someone’s sexuality affects the other person. Even if my thoughts are kept to myself, by assuming and trying to fit someone into their gender or sexuality box I am degrading them. I have learned that this is not important, but I never considered just how much something like this can hurt someone.
Heasley talks about how many times he has had to defend his sexuality. He describes how he is straight, married with three children, but before people find that out they assume him to be gay, because he talks with his hands, doesn’t have a deep voice, isn’t too interested in sports, and is a feminist. Heasley goes onto say “It has always bothered me that I had come to define myself (and be defined by others) as ‘nontraditional’”. This is the quote that hit me. This poor guy has to defend himself and put a label on who he is. He is “nontraditional.” Putting this label on himself bothers him, but the society we live in almost forces things like labels on people. It’s as if we can’t let anyone just be comfortable with who they are.
Prompt 1B Sissyphobia and Everything After
Berling asks the questions “why do so many of us, gay or straight, have a problem when men are ‘less than manly?’” This question was something that was significant to me, and something that I have observered. This question made me realize just how much I myself may contribute to this problem. I have no problem with “feminine men” or men of the LGBTQ community, but I have found myself being concerned with the “less than manly” man before. When I think of a possible boyfriend I think of a “manly man” and I want someone who can take care of me and who is not a “wimp.” This sounds horrible and old fashioned but it is true. I do not have a problem with “effeminate men” but would I consider an effeminate man for a campanion? It is hypocrytical for me to even ask that question when I consider myself a supporter of the LGBTQ community and I fully support one expressing themselves to the fullest. But I may be a cause to one holding back them true selves. Also I want the manly man, but I also want a man who can show his emotions, be himself, and be loving, so technically that may be an effeminate man? I’m glad I read this article, so I could ask myself why do I care so much if a man is less than manly. I shouldn’t care. And technically I would want a man who is somewhat effeminate. It makes me think twice of just how much society may be influencing me. This article was eyeopening to me and made me take a look at what screwed up ideas in my head that I may need to reconsider.
Prompt 2B Sissyphobia and Everything After
Berling says “Boys who exhibit effeminate tendencies from an early age are often subject to extremely cruel treatment at the hands of their peers and even their families.” This made me think of a few close males in my life. I know some who could be labeled as effeminate. They are comfortable with their sexuality and identify as straight, but they are often assumed to be gay. This can be seen as ridicule to them. This quote made me realize just how much they may have suffered in their lifetime. It is unfair to realize that since they are being themselves, they are ridiculed for it. And this again makes me mad at myself for seeing someone as effeminate as someone who is not boyfriend material in my mind. Hypocritical I know. I have had so many experiences with people having problems with effeminate men or gay men. I had an experince at work where a straight male said “I like Richard. Usually I don’t like gay men at all. He is the only one I can handle.” This made me so irritated. Why can you not “handle” straight men is what I asked him. He couldn’t really answer me. It just shows me how much of a problem our society has with accepting gay men or less manly men, and as I stated before, even something I need to work on.
Prompt 1A Bear Bodies, Bear Masculinity
This article presented a topic I had never even heard about before. I have never heard of “bear men.” It was interesting to read, because I never see bear gay men in the media, I never read about them, and up until now I have never learned about them. It was interesting to read, but also made me realize how much our media stereotypes gay men. The gay men you see in the media is always the super feminine, fashionable, very flamboent gay man. I can’t think of one instance where I have seen a husky, bear gay man in the media. It was interesting to draw this connection to how our society has to analyze everything and put a label on everything and everyone. To me a gay man is someone who is just that, gay. They are by definition of gay attracted to other men. But this explanation isn’t good enough for our society. The gay men who are not feminine or the stereotypical gay man are labeled as “bear”, and the media portrays all gay men in the same flamboent way. Not necessarily that putting these labels is always a negative thing, because as seen in the article “bear men” like to have conventions and they have events together, etc, so they must not mind the label so much and they must relate with each other better, but it was interesting to draw the connection of these men that I have never heard of before and draw it back to the stereotypical media. It is also interesting to relate this back to the whole gender idea. We have to put a label on it, and if someone doesn’t fit the norm, we question them or have to think of a new name or category to fit them in.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Blog 5
Prompt 1B “A New Vision of Masculinity”
This article started out reinforcing a lot of ideas I have already known. All these ideas I still agree with. It is always still so upsetting to hear what you already know. That being called a “fag” is so horrible to men. It makes me upset that we use the term in that way, and it is degrading to the one being bullied and to LGBTQ members that a term used to associate with them sometimes is the “worst” thing you can call a man. It is nice to learn just how much men are pressured though. It works for both genders; we are all structured in a mold.
I like how the article said all the things boy DO NOT learn. They say they don’t learn much about being supportive, nurturing, showing emotion (besides anger) etc. This appealed to me because of the way it was written. We always say boys are naturally more aggressive, competitive, strong, etc but in reality that is not “natural” it is what they were taught and what they were molded into. Same goes for women. We always try to say that’s just the way things are, but in reality we made things this way. Society is making men the way they are. We are not born into stereotypes, we are brought up surrounded by those ideas and gender roles, and then we get molded into those. Boys are being robbed of showing their true self and it is also leading to aggression and violence. It was great to read that these issues are being looked at and that the new generation is being taught new qualities and not just the old fashion Marlboro man image.
Prompt 1A The Macho Paradox Chapter 13
It is nice to read of what men are doing to help stop violence and rape against women. It was a new concept for me to read all this, because for some reason you rarely hear about organizations of men taking a stand. I just recently started seeing flyers around campus of “Men can stop rape.” Before these flyers I literally never heard of men taking the movement to stop the violence that is mainly committed by men.
I loved the quote at the very beginning of the chapter. It stated “From today those who inflict violence on others will know they are being isolated and cannot count on other men to protect them” (p. 253). This was an epiphany to me. It showed me that maybe the problem all along was that men felt too comfortable and it almost feels natural and what they are taught. Men are taught to be aggressive, dominating, strong, etc. But once men take a stand, it is clear that men do not agree with this violence put onto women. Men fighting for women’s rights sadly gets more attention than when women fight for their rights. Although that seems degrading to women, it is comforting to hear of just how many men are starting to fight against this and it is nice to hear all the chances men can take and join to stop the violence and rape.
Prompt 2B The Macho Paradox Chapter 13
This chapter showed just how much men can do to stop violence against women. But it also showed how some men reply to being asked to take a stand. Most men think I would never rape or abuse someone, so why is it my problem? This shows how a male columnist responded when asked to answer and ask questions of what he and possibly other men are willing to do to stop rape and sexual assault. He responded “I will not rape anyone. Is there anything more I should add to this?” (p. 260). This quote shows how most men think about the issue of rape and sexual assault.
I have many male friends that think like this. They get irritated with my newly found feminist outlooks, and are constantly saying things similar to the above quote. Most men do not see it as their issue because they themselves are not personally causing it. However it is seen that when men speak out there is more attention towards the issue. I think the problem is most men are not educated on this. I myself was not educated until recently about how much of an effect men can have and how many organizations there are out there. I recently broke through to one of my friends to research this and convinced him to do a speech for GEO on sexual assault and rape and how to stop it. It is encouraging to hear, and he informed me that his professor and most females in the class thought the idea was great. So it is helping him out too. Men just need to be more educated on the topic, and hopefully there can be more awareness and actions taken to stop sexual assault and rape.
Prompt 1A The Will to Change Chapter 7
Hooks presented a new idea to me in this chapter and it was something I now agree with. Hooks presented the idea of how by fighting for women’s equalities we often ignore some of men’s needs. At first while reading this, I didn’t want to listen. It sounded like Hooks was down talking feminism and patting men on the back. But after reading the entire chapter I understand and agree. Feminism is about equality, so if we are going to fight for it, we need to fight for everyone. One shouldn’t fight for equal pay and then get in power and forget about everyone else. They should fight for the poor masses. We are never taught equalities or that we can choose what we want to do, we are always taught distinct gender differences or limitations rather.
We always say that women don’t get this or that. So we try to make sure that women get equal rights to men. But as Hooks describes, boys are never given “the right to choose not to engage in aggressive or violent play, the right to play with dolls, or play dress up, to wear costumes of either gender, the right to choose” (p. 111). I never looked at it this way, but I totally agree! I am not saying men are so denied of things, or that women are in the wrong. But in reality feminism is about equality for all. And all along we have been robbing boys of being able to choose just as we have for women. There must be attention to both faults, and we should be teaching the youth freedom to express themselves, and less on gender roles and how to fit into their box based on their gender.
Prompt 1C The Will to Change Chapter 11
I found chapter 11 very confusing. It wasn’t clear to me exactly what Hooks was trying to say. What I did get out of it, was that she was saying that men right now are incapable to love. I found this confusing and did not agree. She speaks as if no man can love, but that there are “beacons of hope embodying the truth that men can love” (p. 172). Her statements contradict what I have seen. Sure men love in a different way, and some may not love, but I know men are capable of love. Hooks makes this idea seem so farfetched. I grew up with a loving father, uncles, grandpas, and male friends.
I also can never get around how Hooks will sometimes generalize too much. She talks of how gay men are able to love and that they are seen as feminine because they show feeling, and then she goes onto state that “straight men and patriarchal gay men can learn from them” (p. 175). This statement was too generic for me. To me this statement is saying no straight man knows how to love or show emotion and that almost every gay guy does. Sure some gay men may be more open to things like this, but it doesn’t mean that all are, and it doesn’t mean that straight men are incapable of showing emotion. I guess Hooks just challenges the lifestyle I grew up in. Just call me lucky I guess, but this chapter was confusing and un-relatable to me.
This article started out reinforcing a lot of ideas I have already known. All these ideas I still agree with. It is always still so upsetting to hear what you already know. That being called a “fag” is so horrible to men. It makes me upset that we use the term in that way, and it is degrading to the one being bullied and to LGBTQ members that a term used to associate with them sometimes is the “worst” thing you can call a man. It is nice to learn just how much men are pressured though. It works for both genders; we are all structured in a mold.
I like how the article said all the things boy DO NOT learn. They say they don’t learn much about being supportive, nurturing, showing emotion (besides anger) etc. This appealed to me because of the way it was written. We always say boys are naturally more aggressive, competitive, strong, etc but in reality that is not “natural” it is what they were taught and what they were molded into. Same goes for women. We always try to say that’s just the way things are, but in reality we made things this way. Society is making men the way they are. We are not born into stereotypes, we are brought up surrounded by those ideas and gender roles, and then we get molded into those. Boys are being robbed of showing their true self and it is also leading to aggression and violence. It was great to read that these issues are being looked at and that the new generation is being taught new qualities and not just the old fashion Marlboro man image.
Prompt 1A The Macho Paradox Chapter 13
It is nice to read of what men are doing to help stop violence and rape against women. It was a new concept for me to read all this, because for some reason you rarely hear about organizations of men taking a stand. I just recently started seeing flyers around campus of “Men can stop rape.” Before these flyers I literally never heard of men taking the movement to stop the violence that is mainly committed by men.
I loved the quote at the very beginning of the chapter. It stated “From today those who inflict violence on others will know they are being isolated and cannot count on other men to protect them” (p. 253). This was an epiphany to me. It showed me that maybe the problem all along was that men felt too comfortable and it almost feels natural and what they are taught. Men are taught to be aggressive, dominating, strong, etc. But once men take a stand, it is clear that men do not agree with this violence put onto women. Men fighting for women’s rights sadly gets more attention than when women fight for their rights. Although that seems degrading to women, it is comforting to hear of just how many men are starting to fight against this and it is nice to hear all the chances men can take and join to stop the violence and rape.
Prompt 2B The Macho Paradox Chapter 13
This chapter showed just how much men can do to stop violence against women. But it also showed how some men reply to being asked to take a stand. Most men think I would never rape or abuse someone, so why is it my problem? This shows how a male columnist responded when asked to answer and ask questions of what he and possibly other men are willing to do to stop rape and sexual assault. He responded “I will not rape anyone. Is there anything more I should add to this?” (p. 260). This quote shows how most men think about the issue of rape and sexual assault.
I have many male friends that think like this. They get irritated with my newly found feminist outlooks, and are constantly saying things similar to the above quote. Most men do not see it as their issue because they themselves are not personally causing it. However it is seen that when men speak out there is more attention towards the issue. I think the problem is most men are not educated on this. I myself was not educated until recently about how much of an effect men can have and how many organizations there are out there. I recently broke through to one of my friends to research this and convinced him to do a speech for GEO on sexual assault and rape and how to stop it. It is encouraging to hear, and he informed me that his professor and most females in the class thought the idea was great. So it is helping him out too. Men just need to be more educated on the topic, and hopefully there can be more awareness and actions taken to stop sexual assault and rape.
Prompt 1A The Will to Change Chapter 7
Hooks presented a new idea to me in this chapter and it was something I now agree with. Hooks presented the idea of how by fighting for women’s equalities we often ignore some of men’s needs. At first while reading this, I didn’t want to listen. It sounded like Hooks was down talking feminism and patting men on the back. But after reading the entire chapter I understand and agree. Feminism is about equality, so if we are going to fight for it, we need to fight for everyone. One shouldn’t fight for equal pay and then get in power and forget about everyone else. They should fight for the poor masses. We are never taught equalities or that we can choose what we want to do, we are always taught distinct gender differences or limitations rather.
We always say that women don’t get this or that. So we try to make sure that women get equal rights to men. But as Hooks describes, boys are never given “the right to choose not to engage in aggressive or violent play, the right to play with dolls, or play dress up, to wear costumes of either gender, the right to choose” (p. 111). I never looked at it this way, but I totally agree! I am not saying men are so denied of things, or that women are in the wrong. But in reality feminism is about equality for all. And all along we have been robbing boys of being able to choose just as we have for women. There must be attention to both faults, and we should be teaching the youth freedom to express themselves, and less on gender roles and how to fit into their box based on their gender.
Prompt 1C The Will to Change Chapter 11
I found chapter 11 very confusing. It wasn’t clear to me exactly what Hooks was trying to say. What I did get out of it, was that she was saying that men right now are incapable to love. I found this confusing and did not agree. She speaks as if no man can love, but that there are “beacons of hope embodying the truth that men can love” (p. 172). Her statements contradict what I have seen. Sure men love in a different way, and some may not love, but I know men are capable of love. Hooks makes this idea seem so farfetched. I grew up with a loving father, uncles, grandpas, and male friends.
I also can never get around how Hooks will sometimes generalize too much. She talks of how gay men are able to love and that they are seen as feminine because they show feeling, and then she goes onto state that “straight men and patriarchal gay men can learn from them” (p. 175). This statement was too generic for me. To me this statement is saying no straight man knows how to love or show emotion and that almost every gay guy does. Sure some gay men may be more open to things like this, but it doesn’t mean that all are, and it doesn’t mean that straight men are incapable of showing emotion. I guess Hooks just challenges the lifestyle I grew up in. Just call me lucky I guess, but this chapter was confusing and un-relatable to me.
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